2008-09-22

Enter the Dream Team: Chattin' It Up With Bordain and the 'Nuge

While surfing the web in search of the number of calories in a box of Chinese take out, I stumbled on a piece of absurdist confab that rivals Beckett in it's profound existential discourse: a transcribed conversation between Travel Channel's Anthony Bordain and Ted Nugent. What was the topic of choice, you ask? Crazed libertarian diatribe, perhaps? The gratifying experience of killing your own Nirobian grasshoppers with a Beretta Px4 Storm? Unfortunately, no. Instead, Brawny and Brainy puss out and enjoy a good old-fashion b*tch-fest about America's latest acceptable hate: obesity.

Now, as much as I am ripping on Bordain, he's by far the least annoying member of the Johnny-come-lately school of celebrity chefs and foodies. His side gig moonlighting as an adjunct judge on Bravo's "Top Chef" results in some of the best moments on the show, and his blog on Bravo's website is worth the read. Anyone who devotes multiple entries to how Rocco DeSpirito has gone from legitimate chef to camera-mugging man whore is invited to frickasee up some of those grasshoppers in my kitchen any day.

I highly encourage you to check out this punch and judy show; the novelty factor alone is gratifying. Highlights include:

--Nugent, in the tradition of aesthetes such as Oscar Wilde, expounds upon the visual assault of obesity on his delicate constitution, saying "Obesity is a manifestation of a cultural deprivation in its most vulgar and displeasing-to-look-at form" and my personal favorite "It's so ugly!"

--Bordain coins the term "blobberoid," officially stealing the thunder from Webster's and putting the kibosh on plans to unveil it in their special X-mas edition.

--Das Nuge gets caught in a classic senior moment and suddenly trails off on a tangent about his brothers and the Nugent clan's Thanksgiving dinners. I think he mentions beer in there, too. He's just keepin' it real.

Thanks again, boys. My time simply wouldn't be wasted the same way without you.

(To read the full transcript, go to http://www.calorielab.com/news/2008/08/05)

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